Monday, January 13, 2014

Guest Post by a Gentleman over Seventy years of age

I'm not a victim or survivor.  Yet, the effects of incest have invaded my life for almost 25 years.

You see, I am the husband of a victim of incest. Although I suspicioned it for many years it has only been recently that full knowledge came to me although through ways I regret.

It was my wife's father who was the perpetrator although she has not acknowledged this unless on some level with her therapist.

We are currently in couples therapy as well as our own individual therapy.

What brought us to couples therapy is the result of my becoming aware of her sexual activity outside of our marriage which I have found out goes back to at least 2011.

Our marriage, and her suffering, has fit the classic symptoms almost from the beginning.  I have now learned how it manifested itself even before our coming together.

Although I wasn't able to understand the root of her behavior until recently, she had gone through severe anxiety, extreme panic, depression, seven years of active alcoholism, and now my discovery only over the last six months of sexual promiscuity throughout our marriage, and before.

Right now I have no idea if our marriage will survive yet I steadfastly stand by her side to help and support in any way I can.

Over the last year, and most recently the last ten months, as I discovered the depth of the damage I began reading every technical writing on this subject that I could find.

I don't consider myself an expert. I don't have degrees in any form of medicine as well as psychotherapy.  What I do, as importantly, have is that I have lived and experienced the long term effects of incest whether I knew the reasons or now having learned them.

I fell completely in love with my wife from the moment I met her almost 25 years ago.

That love and passion still exists within me while residing with all of the confusion, pain, hurt, effects on my own self esteem to name a few.

I don't know if she has brought the issue into her therapy but, at least with me, continues denial of the crime her father committed as well as any promiscuity.

With all of my pain and suffering (aside from hers) the only real help I have received was when I found Genendy and "Genendy Speaks".

Even though we are separated by 10,000 miles our relationship has grown through emails, and more importantly, long telephone conversations.  She had become not only my friend but the little sis I never had and I, hopefully, the big bro she lost through her families actions.

If not for Genendy I'm not sure what I would be doing today to help myself and the tragedy that has not only embedded in out marriage but been carried by my wife from the very beginning of her life.

Had she taken a different path, similar to the one written by a previous blogger the world would not have the courageous and outspoken person advocating for all women affected by the crime of, especially, paternal incest.

And I would not have the love, support, and understanding of the pain I will now carry for the rest of my life.

Gen, don't give up. The women who suffer, most of whom live in the wilderness of silence, would lose the voice that needs to be heard.  Heard not only in the Jewish community but every country, city, village or hovel in the world.

I remain anonymous only to protect the privacy of my wife and those who would be deeply hurt by what their father did to their sister, mother, aunt or cousin.

It is she who needs to gain the power and strength of Genendy to speak out for herself and the other victims and survivors who for the most part live in the hell of silence.

No comments:

Post a Comment