(Part Two) TOO MUCH PAIN: IS THAT TRUE?

  The Work is a tool for self awareness and personal development.  It is not a subsitute for trauma therapy.

Here is a harder example of The Work, at work.

 I could barely breathe, and I couldn't move.

I was having a flashback of my father molesting me. 

 I've been having these flashbacks for over twenty years. While I am reliving the abuse it is as if it is happening right now.  Back then, I desperately needed help, but I was alone.
No one in my family knew or helped me when it was happening, and no one in my family believes or supports me now. 

Would the flashbacks ever stop?  

Would I ever heal?

 I wanted to die.

I called my Thought Coach, Evelyn, who does The Work with me.

I told her, "Evelyn, I need help.  It's too painful.  I can't handle this."

"What is too painful?" She asked. " What is going on?"

"Why do I have to keep remembering this?!" I gasped. "Why do I have to feel this happening over and over!?  And why can't at least one person in my family support me. I feel so alone! It is too painful!"

Evelyn asked me the first question of The Work,

 "Is it really true that it is too much pain?"

"Yes!" I responded

It really was at that moment.

Evelyn did not deny my reality.

She asked, "Are you willing to look at this belief, "I can't handle the pain" more deeply?"

I was.

"And whose business is it that you are in so much pain?" Evelyn asked.  Do you want to be in so much pain?  Did you plan it? Did you cause it?"

"No." I said.

"Than whose business is it?", She  asked again.

"It's God's business. I didn't want it then and I don't want it now." I answered.

"Let's look at this pain."  Evelyn said.  "What does it look and feel like?  Where do you feel it in your body?"

"It's a lot bigger than my body.  It's bright red.  It's burning me." My body was shaking, as it does when it remembers the abuse.

"How big is it, really?"  Evelyn asked. "Let's take a look.  Don't be afraid of it. Is it bigger than a country?  Is it bigger than earth?"

"Yes!  Way bigger.  It's bigger than all the planets.  It encompases everything and fills the universe.  Nothing else exists. Just this pain. I can't do this!"  My body hurt and I felt like I would throw up.

"How do you feel when you believe the thought that it's too much pain?  What do you do? What kind of a person are you?" Evelyn asked.

"I am dissociating." I answered. "I'm shaking. I want to die to get away from it.  I feel helpless and trapped. I want to smash my head.  I feel like God hates me and wants me to suffer."

"And what do you do when you believe this thought?" Asked Evelyn.

" I'm lying here flat on my back talking to you. I can barely move. I can't function." I answered.

 "Are you breathing?  Can you keep breathing?" Evelyn asked.

 "Yes." I responded.

"Are you feeling the pain." She asked next.

 "Yes." I responded.

Evelyn continued, "Now, what would happen if you believed the opposite thought? Can you try on the opposite thought? Can you say, " The pain is not too much.  I am feeling it.  I am holding it. I am breathing it."

I say it.

"Is that true?" Evelyn asked.  "Are you feeling, holding, breathing the pain?"

"Yes." I said.

"So is it really true that it's too much pain?" Evelyn asked.

"Well, I guess not. No." I responded.

How do you feel when you believe, It is not too much pain. I am feeling this. I am breathing through this pain?" She asked next.

"I am just feeling it."  I said. "I'm crying.  It hurts."

What kind of a person does that make you, when you think and believe that it is not too much pain?" Evelyn asked next.

"A strong person." I responded

Evelyn agreed, "Yes! You are a very strong person!"

Although I was still in pain, I was aware that I was no longer suffering. The pain was intense, but it was not going to kill me. I was no longer desperate. I was no longer fighting reality.
It was just pain.
It would pass.

And it did pass,like a wave on the beach rises and then falls.

And I was left with this truth:

 I am a very strong person.