Monday, March 10, 2014
Ten Things I Needed To Learn In Order To Heal
I can't emphasize enough that my survival and healing only happened because Hashem allowed and facilitated it. There is really only one thing that I did that adequately explains how I survived, healed, and continue to heal.
That one thing is prayer.
From the age of nineteen, when I first understood the tremendous challenge that I was faced with, I davened. And I didn't just ask for help. I screamed. I cried. I demanded from Hashem that He either remove me from the world, or help me understand why He had allowed this to happen to me and to show me how to live with it. I will write a little bit about how I learned each one of these ten things in my next ten posts:
1. I had to learn what healthy emotional boundaries are.
2. I had to learn to trust myself when I had been taught not to.
3. I had to learn to connect safely with myself and others after learning as a very young child that connection means hurt.
4. I had to learn how to love and accept myself after incest taught me to hate myself.
5. I had to learn to separate my experiences and my family from the Torah.
6. I had to learn to survive and thrive without the love and acceptance of my family.
7. I had to come to terms with how Hashem could let this happen.
8. I had to come to believe that I could get married and have a family.
9. I had to learn what normal adult sexual intimacy is.
10. I had to learn to find meaning in a lot of loss and pain.